self portrait tuesday - personal history

this is another photo from my aunt mary taken of me when i was 18 months old. i had just gotten up from a nap and she captured a series of very serious sleepy baby shots. i love and recognize the somber look that little ones have sometimes when they wake up. its a crap shoot sometimes. will they be grumpy? happy? ready to go? i was poking around iphoto and found this shot of collette when she was 17 months old.

uncanny. i dont know why it surprises me everytime i compare photos, i mean kids generally look like their parents. this isnt some big secret. it gets me every time though. my parents went for a decidedly more boyish look back then, with the choppy bowl cut and nondescript pjs. i have had a wonderful time looking back at old family pictures this month. thanks for sharing with me. for another wonderful mother/child post, check out amanda's spt. other spt bloggers here.

p.h.o.t.o.g.r.a.p.h.y

i have always loved photography, the main influence coming from my aunt mary. she went to school for photography, and has worked for many years as a commercial photographer, designer and many other things. most of the black and white photos from my childhood were snapped by her. the picture in the last spt post being my favorite. i used to spend a week or so with her every summer, she lives about three hours away, but for me it was a adventure and always so way more cool than anything that could be found at home. i would spend hours in her studio and dark room, helping patiently and being super quiet. the last thing i wanted to do was annoy her and not get asked back. i would tell her i was going to go to college and study photography and come and work for her studio, collette studios. this was just about the penultimate in my book. of course high school hit. i made close friends and was slightly more interested in spending my summers with them, talking about boys and clothes and shoes instead of with my aunt. i still thought she was cool, but the lure was not as strong. in school i was loving my science and history classes and was vaguely unaware and intimidated by the art classes. i think we had photography, but i wasnt too sure. all i know was that the art kids were just that, art kids through and through. i was not nearly as eclectic or "artsy" enough. i was a nerd that got good grades in all my classes, i was on the straight and narrow. you know, never get a B, get a good scholarship and follow all my friends into some ivy league school that i could never afford. that was the life for me, and photography just slowly drifted away. im not creative, im not artistic, and im certainly not any good, my nerd self told me. oh well. where does art get you anyway, right?

sometimes i wish i could talk with my highschool self and tell her, hey you can be both! smart and artistic. creative and nerdy. dont let it go. keep some delight for yourself. or maybe back even further to my grade school self who thought she would be a writer. author of the famous fifth grade young authors contest winning story "valley of the unicorns". keep it up i would say. you can write and do homework. its possible, no its vital. later you will yearn for a creative outlet. wish you could do more, wish you had started sooner. but would we listen to ourselves? probably not.

my creativity didnt burst onto the scene until my daughter was born. and man did it burst! i stumbled upon a wee little blog and was hooked. a few months later, i was the proud owner of a sewing machine and beginning to amass fabric like crazy. and what does every crafty blogger need, almost more than a sewing machine? a digital camera! so i got one of those too. and i have been snapping away. and all that snapping has made me remember how much i love photography. funny huh? its like a little circle. i have been so inspired lately, as i spend more and more time on flickr looking at amazing photographs, visual blogs like bellablue and port2port just make me melt in delight. and make me want to do something about it. first step is for me to get more familiar with my camera, take it off automatic mode and get daring. its a scary first step for me. there is still a lot of science nerd in me freaking out about anything at all having to do with *gasp* ...a...r...t or *gasp* ...c...r...e...a...t...i...v...i...t...y.... i keep telling the nerd, hey listen sweetie, 2006 is a new year. great things are happening for our family. heck, i might even get to break the bonds of 40 hour a week employment and stay at home! what you say? stay at home? maybe check out photography books from the library? what? maybe take a night class at the art institute this summer? what??? that is crazy talk. or is it? it remains to be seen. my planner is wide open, remember? another scary step was for me to go through iphoto last night and pick out some of my favorite shots that i have taken and put them in a slideshow on flickr. at some point, i will go pro and have more than three sets, so until then, slideshows. i know a lot of them are out of focus, i keep telling myself its "artsy", but it is a beginning.

play corner

this is kind of a misnomer, as all areas of our house are for play and covered in toys, but just recently we pulled out the little table from the freezing room it was in to a much warmer and sunnier spot. instant hit! amy has inspired me, i think our table will get a coat of paint too! this is our living room/dining room, so we all spend most of our time here. i think this table will see more use now, because even if they are doing their own thing, they like to be in the same room as mom and dad. this is also the "media" corner where all of our movies, cds and a small portion of our books are housed. oh and whatever project i am working on upstairs ends up on those bookshelves too (note the papersource bag behind the door) because i dont want to sit in the cold, dark basement. i love that the sun filters in here during the day. i am really ready for spring, which is dangerous in kc. we could have snow and awful weather out of the blue for another two months or so. bleh! lets have sun and blustery days in the 50s instead! thanks again amanda for this wonderful group! more corners of my home here on flickr.

who likes math?

i have been itching to put together my 2006 datebook since before christmas. of course i didnt get around to it until this weekend. if you have never done any bookbinding before, it is really fun and satisfying, especially if you get your math right. if you dont, like me, then it is really frustrating and annoying. i sat down on friday surrounded by papers and bookcloth, glue, paste brush and bone folder and a huge stack of scratch paper ready to go. i couldnt find my instructions, but hey, i could wing it, right? i thought i knew the basic formula for calculating the width of my spine. why i thought i could wing things like math and tiny fractions on my clearly addled pregnant brain i dont know. i slaved all through nap time only to end up with a gorgeous cover that had a spine about three inches wide. hmmm. my date book is an inch wide at best. fast forward to yesterday morning. i pack eliot and collette up, run over to the papersource in the freezing cold, buy a piece of book board, and most importantly photo copy instructions from a kit. then i run back home, put collette down for a nap and proceed to do some more math and cut out more paper and bookcloth while sitting a mini table with eliot. i have to admit it was really funny to watch eliot mimic my measurement and note taking movements with his pile of paper and crayons. i also have to admit that i way overstressed the max capacity load of the child sized chair, popped the legs out, almost fell on my bum, and then switched to a more adult appropriate stool. oops. all that to say that i did finially manage to finish my planner and a little blank journal yesterday. the journal was a smidge tight, but by that point i didnt care and just went with it.


i dont really know what all the rush was to get my planner done. my schedule for 2006 is pretty much wide open, except for this...


but really, that isnt something that one can schedule, is it? oh well. i am really excited to have that little journal done though. i plan on using it to keep track of all the beautiful things i see online, art that i would love to have someday, like these amazing prints that kelly posted a bit ago. i cant stop looking at them. there are so many things i see while reading crafty blogs that i always think, oh i love this, surely i will remember where i saw it. nope. i dont. good thing i got that journal finished.

self portrait tuesday - personal history

this is by far my most favorite picture of my childhood. i love everything about it. i love that my grandma is reading a smithsonian in one of her summer "mumus". i love that pickles the dog and sam the cat are under the chair enjoying some nice weather. i love that my summer outfit consists of a tshirt, socks and sandals. who needs pants? certainly not a three year old. more than anything this picture has always captured what i feel is the essence of curiosity. looking at this picture makes me hope that i never lose my sense of curiosity as an adult. that we all retain some element of childlike wonder about the world around us.

ready for valentine's day?

i think eliot is, but can you blame him??? this is kylee, my friend donna's niece. man is she cute. is it too early to think about girlfriends? i mean yeah, give it 12 years or so...but it looks like a good match to me...

corners of my home

dont worry, im not going to make anyone cry with this corners post. thank you all for the kind comments on the last one. they really made david feel good about everything. this time around i am going to talk about the corners that eliot and collette make all warm and fuzzy. we are a four, soon to be five person family living in a two bedroom home. that in and of itself makes things pretty "cozy", right? eliot and collette share a bedroom which because of its size requires that the bed and the crib occupy opposite corners. i tried to capture some pictures of them sleeping all curled and nested and sweet.

eliot in his corner. i was surprised when i went in last night because he is usually asleep surrounded by books and toy cars and legos and whatever else gets caught in his dragnet before bedtime. which i usually remove because he looks so uncomfortable.

collette in her corner. first thing she does when put to bed is rip off her socks. she never, ever sleeps in a parallel position in the crib, and she absolutely MUST have her stuffed neighno (rhino) with her. neighno is currently on her face. i love peeking in on the kids when they are asleep. some of my favorites are just holding a hand, or stroking their hair. i always check collettes feet to see if they are ice cold and they never are. little heaters. i love the way they swirl their blankets and covers around into little nests. it is also pretty fun to come in and see what position they are going to be in. they certainly make these two little corners of our house very warm and special.

and because i couldnt resist...

gocco, mail and therapy

eliots fourth birthday is at the end of the month, and i have been dragging my feet. and feeling guilty about it. the worst part is that i had decided i wasnt going to gocco invites due to my limited supplies. i feel like elaine and her sponges on seinfeld. is this project really worthy of bulbs and a screen???? yesterday though i decided by golly, my sons fourth birthday party is certainly screen worthy, its the least i can do right? enter the invite, freshly printed last night.

straight silver ink goccoed on bluebell paper, which turns out is a hell of a combination to photograph. sorry for the dark, fuzzy picture. there is a shot of the back on flickr. outerspace party. yep. rockets, imax space movie (rentable thank goodness), cake, astronaut freeze dried ice cream are all on the docket. speaking of, in the last month or so i saw on someones blog a rocket streamer thing made out of felt and ribbon. ring a bell anyone? i cant find it again and i wanted to check out the picture and see if i could make such a thing. this is why i should write things down...

on to mail, which was fabulous yesterday as my order for januarys limited print card came in from port2port! oooh baby. was i excited to see this on the table!

then i flipped it over... how am i supposed to cut into tape so cute and not feel guilty????

somehow i managed, very carefully of course. the card is beautiful! it is a inkless press on white, which i tried really hard to photograph, but it doesnt do it justice. regardless, take a look.

it really is beautiful! i am so excited about this project. mav plans to offer a different limited print card each month. can you imagine the beautiful collection you could end up with? i am right now. letterpress makes me so happy. why i dont know. it might be silly, but with all the stress i have been going through right now, i think it is even more important to find joy in little things. for instance, im not sure if you all know that i work one night a week at the papersource? i do, thursday nights, and even though it is an achingly long day, those few hours surrounded by creative people and beautiful papers and colors really does so much for my spirit. this last thursday i took my camera in with me to take some pictures of my thursday night therapy. i posted a bunch on flickr.

come on in! take a peek. i guarantee something will make you smile. it works for me!

self portrait tuesday - personal history

this is probably the first professional portrait of my family, taken in july of 1979. right after this my mom found out she was pregnant with my brother and nine months later, the world as i knew it for the last four years was turned upside down. before i go into the whole first born thing, let me just say that for many many years, this portrait was hanging on our wall, mounted on a gigantic piece of wood made to look like as if it was burnt into this funky shape. remember that type of framing? so ugly it was cool? i should see if my mom still has it. i love this picture for so many reasons. i think my dad looks silly and cool at the same time. the hair and the shirt just cinch it for me now. i think my mom looks beautiful, 26 and so full of promise. i cant believe she just slapped a blue barrette on my bangs, which leads me to believe i wasnt being the most cooperative child. not to mention this was probably only the third or fourth time i had worn a dress in my life. i was a tomboy, sesame street kid with green cords and stripped shirts 24-7.

looking at this picture now as a parent myself it reminds me of all the sadness and anxiety i felt for eliot, and now collette, as the arrival of a sibling draws near. i remember before collette was born that i felt so bad for eliot that his time as the baby was being cut short and there was nothing he could do about it. of course everything was fine and he loves his sister, sometimes expressed in hugs a little too tight for her liking. here i am again lamenting over collettes short tenure as the baby and her move into the "middle child" spot. not to mention that she has to go from being the only girl (and fawned over probably waaaay too much) to having a little sister to boot. i know that everything will turn out fine again, and that the girls will probably be really close. so are my worries just a first born tendency to make mountains out of mole hills? maybe. all i really know is that huffmania has never had a "real" family portrait taken, so i guess this summer is the time to bite the bullet. i wonder if i can get it mounted on a big piece of burnt wood...

other spt bloggers here. thanks kath for the great theme!

corners of my home

amanda, of soulemama fame, started a wonderful flickr group called just that, corners of my home. her first contribution is just lovely! ever since then i have been mentally mulling over the corners in my home. there isnt a lot of beauty in my home. i dont mean it in the "looks just like a pottery barn catalog" way, but more that i wish i had more personal touches that make me smile. this is one of my goals for 2006, which goes nicely with the goal to find/purchase more small art and put more photos up to give us those smiles. as i think about my home though, i realized that there is one corner that is far and away the most important. that corner is the "office", which literally occupies the only free corner in our bedroom.

this is how i usually see it in the wee hours of the night as i toss and turn.

this is primarily david's space. i use it a few minutes each night to check email and blog. the main function of this space? it is where dreams are made. this is where my husband works his heart out in hopes of supporting his family with his craft. this is where scripts are pounded out, agonized over, edited, torn down and built up again. this is where the creativity of inner city children captured on video is edited, mixed, enhanced with music and creative cuts, turned into a movie and then given back to them much to their delight, wonder and sense of accomplishment. this is where my husband sits and worries, frets, holding his head in his hands, wondering if all the risks he is taking are worth it in the long run. if he is asking too much of his family, the waiting, the pinching for groceries, the juggling of which bills will be paid this month and which will be set aside for a little bit later. and when he sits there, working so hard, my heart bursts with pride for him. and i tell him, over and over again, we are with you, we are behind you, beside you, and delighting with you in the future we know you see for us in your minds eye. we will make it.

ps. for more information on the non-profit after school program that david cofounded go to filmsforyouth.org

luckily, a good time was had by all

dinner went really well last night. conversation flowed easily, lots of laughs. i had to pull some funny archaeology stories from the vault. always a hit. i have to say though that i panicked the first 15 minutes we were there. we took the huffsters with us last night because one of the couples has twin four year old boys. we thought, oh yeah eliot will have a blast, we dont need to take any toys. just a few things for collette. we get there, walk into this gorgeous, well decorated home and then i remember, oh yeah, this lady is a glass blower. great. breakables EVERYWHERE all over the house. a few minutes later the other couple arrives....without the twins. shite. remember, no toys packed for eliot. and the hosts, while pregnant, still havent amassed much to keep a 4 year old and an 18 month old entertained. but miraculously the kids were soooo good all night. eliot i wasnt really worried about, but collette has developed a nice little habit of screaming like a banshee coupled with some nice body flailing about an hour after her bed time. perfectly understandable in terms of parents not keeping with schedule, but still embarrassing and hard to deal with. as i said, they were both were happy and quiet the whole evening. and they didnt break a single thing! whew! i think it had a lot to do with my mom making sure they had a good solid nap in the afternoon. she watches them on wednesday and you know how time with grandma doesnt usually follow much of a schedule. i love my mom, but god bless her, sometimes she just doesnt know what to do with the kids. i guess its grandma's prerogative. its hard to get mad at someone so cute.

see what i mean? what do you do when your mom is so stinking cute you cant get mad? well thats not true, i get plenty mad at her sometimes. and yes, im not the nicest of daughters. i do a wicked impression of her accent while reenacting some drama that she told me about. but i do love her, and appreciate her, and i certainly dont tell her enough. this blog tribute isnt going to do any good because she doesnt know how to get online much less use the vcr. so i guess i will just call her right now and tell her. thanks mom.

first crafting for 2006

i finally managed to drag my creaky bones and big belly down to the basement to make something last night. wait, dont congratulate me just yet. it was totally motivated by a selfish need to look good. we are having dinner tonight with two new "cool" couples. very intimidating, you know, meeting new couples. its almost like the same anxiety you get from dating. almost. so anyway, two cool artsy couples, and the hostess is pregnant and due a week before me. since they refused any attempts on our part to bring food (should we bring something anyway??? its been so long since i have done this sort of thing!) i decided instead that i would show up with some little baby gift in hand. back to last night, me rummaging in the basement. what can i make up quick like and that is NON GENDER SPECIFIC! makes the task that much harder. i finally settled on something safe and something a little risky, i.e. a burp cloth and bib. never made a bib before or used snaps for that matter, but it seemed like a good idea at about ten last night. hmmm...maybe i should impose a crafting curfew on myself, im not so sure about my decision making abilities as it gets later. luckily, i had the exact perfect amount of scraps left for the burp cloth, and managed to get snaps in the bib. my first time with that cheap-o singer red plastic snap thing, and maybe my last. seems like there should be a better way. oh, i also banged the hell out of my thumb. didnt have a hammer downstairs, and didnt want to go get one, so i ended up squatting on the concrete floor (the firm surface) and wielding the handle of a ping pong paddle like some sort of medieval cudgel. of course my first strike had the most force and of course it was the one that landed squarely on my thumb... all that drama to say that things actually worked out pretty well in the end. here is the bundle in all its glory.


there are a few more pics posted on flickr before i wrapped this up. not to exciting, but it was nice to make something again. get the juices flowing so to speak. here is where i make the crazy leap to, huh, why dont i learn to crochet so i can make this bunny i found somewhere on the internet??


oh yeah, no problem right??? whatever. my brain is officially addled by pregnancy and i can not be held responsible for any content on this blog until sometime this spring. speaking of brain problems, remember my camera issues? i found this cool device online last week. i like to call it my back up.


i did order a new usb cable (really cheap and fast from dcables.com, i totally recommend them) two weeks ago. but this baby is a goldmine! it essentially converts my xD memory card into a jump drive. so i dont need the camera or the cord, nor do i have to drain my batteries while trying to upload pictures. its all done from this little stick! brilliant huh? now all i have to do is not lose something this small...

self portrait tuesday - personal history

what's in a name? for me this is a pretty easy question. i was named after both of my great grandmothers, hannah campbell and ester gomez. it took me a long time to appreciate my names. at some level i always thought it was cool that i had these family names, but in practice as the only girl named hannah all through grade school, it was a little tough. for a long time i yearned to be a jennifer or holly or something, and it was only just recently that i wasnt embarrassed to tell people my "old lady" middle name. but now i am older and wiser (maybe?) and am fully satisfied with being hannah ester. its me. i cant imagine it any other way. and lucky me, i have two wonderful pictures to remind me.

my father's grandmother, hannah campbell

my mother's grandmother, ester gomez

while i was visiting my grandmother this weekend, i took more pictures of some of the history on the collette side and uploaded them, along with these, to flickr. more self portrait bloggers can be found here.

new favorite

oatmeal cherry cookies. so good, you are just going to have to make them to believe me. the librarian at work brought some in last week, and i begged her for the recipe. made my batch tonight, and they are already pretty much gone. ok, enough talk, here is the info.

oatmeal cherry cookies

1/2 lb. butter (two sticks)
1 lb. brown sugar (instead of trying to measure myself, i just bought a one pound bag at the store)
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 1/4 cup flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
3 cups whole oats (not quick cook)
1/4 lb. dried tart cherries (unsweetened, and i used a half pound, because i wanted them to be extra cherry-y!)

sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. stir in oats and set aside. in large bowl, cream butter and brown sugar. add eggs and vanilla. slowly add dry ingredients, mix until just combined. stir in cherries. the batter will be really stiff, and dough like. bake at 350 for 7 - 10 minutes, until golden. (my oven runs colder, so for me it was more like 12 to 14 minutes.) i got 32 pretty large cookies out of this, and like i said, im left with just a few... enjoy!

what is your major malfunction?

apparently mine for the last month or so has been my camera. and to be honest and open, it has all been MY fault. the machinery of the camera has worked perfectly (knock on wood), every problem due to operator error. nice. first of all, my memory card decided that it needed to be reformatted before it would work again. i fretted, searched the manual, which so helpfully said "format the card". yeah thanks, i gathered as much, uh HOW??? searched fuji message boards for a week or so on google. all the while i so blantantly ignored the "FORMAT" option on my set-up menu. so dumb. so yeah, it took me about two weeks to realize that format really meant format and all i had to do was push the button and in a few seconds, all fixed! thank goodness, right before christmas too. loads of pictures taken just in time.

then comes the week after christmas. me: "hey david, have you seen the usb cable for the camera?". david: "no, i didnt mess with it. you did". me: "yeah, i know, but have you seen it?". david: "no, when is the last time you had it?". me: "at your parents house while we were opening presents...oh crap...". yep thats right. after searching the house and car high and low, calling both of our parents houses and making them do the same thing, i can only conclude that it got swept up with the wrapping and packaging trash and thrown out. AWESOME! so here i am with a card that works again, but way to get them out of my camera. in my normal way, i fret about it for a week or so before giving up believing that it is just going to miraculously appear in my camera bag again (which i have checked a millions times plus, just for this reason) and i just get off my butt and order one for 6.99 on the internet. should be here in three to five business days! in the meantime, i couldnt take it anymore and had to borrow a cable from a friend who has the same camera because i just couldnt take the lack of pictures any longer. so after that massively long rant about how dumb i can be, here are some pictures dammit!

these are my late entries for the spt theme for december, reflections. eliot and me in the kitchen using my brand new tea kettle (it whistles!!!) after christmas. oh and batman, very important that batman was in the picture.

i like to call this picture the "christmas miracle". we just got back from christmas eve service, and eliot was ready to transform into a present-opening machine. like an idiot, i stop the mayhem and say, i want a family photo. yeah right, so we set up the camera on the side table, put it on self timer, and took ONE picture. this is it. a miracle, right?? i think so. the rest of the pictures i took of the kids looked like this.
sick of pictures yet? sorry, i have to get them off my camera... these are the last, i promise. i had a doctors appointment today, 32 weeks and four days!!! check the big belly...

doesnt look so big huh? check it from the side!

YIPES!!! where has the time gone?? maybe this is why my brain hasnt been working the last month. yep. thats got to be it. sorry about the police line-upness of these pictures, they were taken at work today. corporate walls are just so lovely dont you think? ok, so thats it for now. you get a break until i get my cord, or until i scan something for next spt. oh, and at some point, i swear i will do something craft, you know, actually make something with my own two hands. when that does happen, more pictures. promise.

self portrait tuesday - personal history

i am really excited about the theme for january's spt, a reflection on personal history through old family photographs and portraits. i had forgotten how much i loved to pour over my mothers old photos when i was younger, and amandas lovely post jogged my memory. she has also motivated me to get over to my grandma's house and do some scanning of some of the treasures she has on her walls. for my contribution this week, i am using some photos i have posted in the past (until i get some new ones scanned!) but which i think really fit the theme.


this first picture is a watercolor done by my aunt of a photograph, also taken by my aunt, of me when i was about four years old. this used to be hanging at my grandmas house (with all the other treasures) and i loooooved it and gazed at it for years and years and years growing up. i remember distinctly thinking, "wow, I am in a painting! me! that is a painting of me!", arent all kids self centered early on in life?? my grandma gave this painting to me for christmas last year, much to my surprise and delight. now when i look at it, it is an entirely different thought process running through my mind. it goes more like this, "i really wish i could paint. that watercolor looks great... i love this old frame." and just last night, as i was looking at it again with thoughts of this spt, it struck me like a ton of bricks, this painting looks exactly like collette now!! look for yourself!


can you believe it? of course she is a few years younger than i was in the painting, but the cheeks, the hair!! its all the same! it makes me so happy to think that besides passing on genes, perhaps i will pass on a love of family history to eliot and collette. whether that comes through photographs, or crafts or quilts (someday...) just the idea of them enjoying things like this later in life makes me smile. check out more stp bloggers here.