intestinal transit (delicate readers be forewarned)

so i have absolutely nothing to report on the crafty side. i lounged this weekend away and did math (balanced the checkbook) and paid bills last night. fun. yeah. but what i do have to report is a warning to consumers. whatever you do, DO NOT buy dannon's activia yogurt. i guess i should have been tipped off by the commercials. have you seen them? you know the girl doesnt feel like going out with her friend, her reasoning involving groaning and a general rub of the abdominal area. confusing, no? well, being the sucker that i am, i see that the activia is on sale and i decide to buy some. tip-off number two perhaps (the slashing of prices). now, i must say that i am a lover of pretty much any dairy product, and not at all afraid of bacteria cultures. my mom used to make us drink acidophilus milk when we were kids for our complexion and general well being. thanks mom. i bring home my blueberry activia and have one at lunch last week. before i eat it, i decide to read up on the webpage. a bunch of blather about "regulating the digestive system" and "reducing long intestinal transit time" which is just a nice way of saying it makes you poop. here is a bit of personal information that you may or may not wish to know about me. i am not a frequent pooper. i would say once, maybe twice a week. david likes to tell me that i am literally full of it. i guess i probably am, which is why i bought the activia. after having consumed three 4oz containers chock full of their patented "bifidus regularis" i am here to tell you that this stuff is deadly. i have been emitting a cloud of the most foul smelling gas imaginable for the last few days. it takes all of my will power (and a little rectal strength) to keep the stuff in while i am at work. i rush home and let loose the terror on my poor family. it is bad. really bad. so bad that i felt the need to warn anyone who may be thinking of purchasing this product, at the cost of my own personal embarrassment. not really, i dont get embarrassed by much. but still, if you have to be in public and you dont want to experience the constant strain of retaining your nasty gas so as not to physically harm passers by, do not, i repeat, do not eat activia. those bifidus regularises are evil little buggers...


Blogger Su said...

That is too funny! Thanks for warning us and sorry you had to discover that it sucks the hard way. For me coffee does it. Every single time I drink coffee I have to go. Ha

10:53 AM  
Blogger posy press said...

that may be one of the funniest posts ever!
I'm in your boat and had been eyeing the activa...seriously, thanks for the warning!

11:09 AM  
Anonymous toby said...


Also, what does it mean when the blogger "word verification" has all the letters of your name in it?

11:16 AM  
Blogger clark said...


12:52 PM  
Blogger shim + sons said...

I'm not sure if I have commented before, but after reading this post I just had to. Oh my goodness, this post was so hilarious [not to make light of your "situation" though]. I will definitely steer clear of this yogurt.

1:05 PM  
Blogger amanda said...

hilarious! although, I'm sorry for the experience ;) i've been eating activia for months and it doesn't have the same effect on me (thankfully!)

4:15 PM  
Anonymous jmac said...

so that explains what i smelled when i saw you today...nice one.

8:41 PM  
Blogger lardawg said...

you make me so proud, even though we agree to disagree on the "public dump"... you prefer to let 'er rip while all the world sees your shoes. i like home field advantage. boom. tyotd. respect.

9:00 PM  
Anonymous julie said...

after some of the conversations we've had, this post does not surprise me at all. i love it when you give TMI!

10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this happened to me too! I'm a teacher and I was so scared I was going to fart in front of my students!

1:14 PM  
Blogger justJENN said...

Good lord. Note to self: Stay away from yogurt.

8:34 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home